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"Making out. Maybe some butt touching- there was tequila and I wasn't exactly a moderate drinker back in the day. Trying to distract myself and drown grief does not a temperate Taylor make." Which led to more rather than fewer poor life choices but. Hey.

He's here now making brand new mistakes so that's gotta count for something, right? Right. "Clothes stayed on, no one got past third base. I apologized for this shit when he saw me earlier today because- he's. Touchy about contact and shit and he wasn't entirely sober either and I remember how damn squirrely he got when it was me and Azucar and all we did was kiss his cheek. So. I apologize because that's what you do, right? And it still all goes...weird."

Edited (drinking = drinker, whoops) 2017-06-29 07:58 (UTC)

It's still more than Wash would like to imagine, but at least they didn't cross too many lines. "What exactly did you say when he apologized, and what exactly did he do?"

"I mentioned younger him was adorable, he said he wouldn't say the same about my younger self because, well. Me." He flicks his fingers from DC's soft fur to his own face. Adorable isn't a word for Taylor Murray no matter the age.

Dumpster fire might be.

"So I ask if I apologized for it or not because, and I quote "Warning you that I was an asshole and being an asshole at you is very different." I had warned him." Apparently not well enough. "He goes all 'you regret it, then' and- that's complicated? And I try to explain that it's complicated."

Looking back now it's STILL complicated and hard to dig through the stupid shit he'd do and address the latent shame. "He said 'I maintain what I said before', yadda yadda, no Taylor you are a good people not a failure of a human being, etc etc' except. Monosyllabic and gruff. Things leveled out, I mentioned remembering him vaguely and that's when the lean, loom, almost but not quite kiss that's actually 'oh you have something in your hair' happened."

It all makes sense, in a time-travel-clusterfuck-involving-York sort of fashion, right up until that last part. "Hang on, he got all the way up in your personal space and said it was about something in your hair?" Wash shakes his head. "You and I both know he doesn't do that." Locus either says things point-blank or stares for an eon from afar. But he got that close, and only made a shitty excuse for it after York froze up- and he tends to put expectations on people and get disappointed or cut them off completely if they don't fulfill them-

Son of a bitch fell for York, didn't he.

Jesus Christ why does everything have to be so complicated?

"He said 'I thought I saw something in your hair' to which I respond, in my infinite wisdom 'uh, it's gel'. Because it is." because he's got one look that's worked for him since he graduated from basic and if it's not broke, don't fix it. There's a distinct lack of game (he's not sure he WANTS to have game in this instance) that mortifies parts of him that still cares about that shit.

There are more of those parts than he likes to think about.

"I know he doesn't but this is all- I did something, I tried to go back to 'hey lemme put on coffee and we can chill' and he bails like he found out I got the plague or some shit..." York sags, scrubbing at his face. "...he had this look. This- he's got no poker face. Can't hide a damn thing. But it was like I hurt him somehow."

For someone with seemingly boundless charisma, York is a goddamn idiot sometimes.

"Let me get this straight: he gets in your space; you think he's going to kiss you; he makes a shitty excuse; you make a shittier reply; and then you ask if he wants coffee like nothing happened." Why does he have to spell this out? ...probably because Locus is terrible at using his words and Wash speaks fluent Locus. Dammit. "Did you ever think that maybe he wanted you to kiss him?"

"No, why would he-" oh Jesus. York groans, buring his face in his hands like that will make this all go away. Grinding the heel of one hand against his bad eye lie it'll make sparks catch and work again, he mutters. "I thought I was too tactile with him, goddamnit. He didn't seem to mind and now I've fucked it up."

By being him, by being clingy and drapy and touch starved. "No wonder he's confused."

God. Damned. Idiot.

Wash just sighs. "Why do I have to have this conversation with everybody," he grouses under his breath before sitting up a little straighter. "Okay, but do you want to kiss him." He'd accepted I don't know from Locus, because Locus didn't know no-strings-attached affection from a hole in the ground at the time; York, who actually has something resembling experience in relationships, will receive no such mercy.

"It never occurred to me as something to want until he leaned in and then instead of 'oh yeah that'd be fun' I panic." He's still panicking a little, really. A lot. He's got issues that he's aware of for the most part and nearly none of them are directly connected to his love life which is probably fortunate for both him and whoever gets caught up with him-

If it were anyone but Locus.

"I haven't wanted anyone in a real way since- well. I resigned myself to Carolina being dead." And then suddenly this muddling mess of could've, would've, might yet have and he- he knows his luck in this area and his luck is shit. He could break him. "What was that thing you said about social inequality RE you and the chief? I don't think he's ever...done this before. And I really shouldn't be anyone's first go around."

It always comes back to Carolina, doesn't it. Wash can't really blame him - you tend to hang on to the last good thing you had before everything went to hell.

That said, Wash is not about to stand for York using his own excuses against him. "Okay, one: Chief probably has no concept of romance, while Locus has at least been socialized like a normal person. Two: Locus made the first move. You're not forcing a relationship on him if he offers first. And three: I'd think someone who's fucked up relationships, learned from it, and knows what not to do would be a pretty damn good option for someone inexperienced." Congratulations, your bullshit reasoning does not apply. Please hang up and call the object of your affections instead of him.

"...I don't know who you look at but while at one time, yeah, he knew how to do and he is slowly learning how to do again- Locus is still awkward as fuck. Words to explain shit do not come to him. We manfully ignore shit more often than not." And that- well. Probably has lulled Locus into the 'don't have to talk about shit' funk he's in that led to this moment. He's...dealing with changing gears in his head as to 'if this is gonna be a thing or not'.

It's a gearshift. Delta is only helping a little.

Look at that flat, disapproving expression. Look at it, and know the extent of the desolate lack of amusement in Wash's heart right now.

God. Damned. Idiot.

"Okay, so you know that he doesn't like to use his words, you gave him an excuse not to use his words, and now you're surprised he's not using his words? Really?" He gives that a moment to sink in. "You need to have a conversation with him, and you need to initiate it, because he obviously isn't going to."

"I'm not qualified to help him process his trauma, I'm barely qualified to process mine." And that's a long road still coming. "He is traumatized. We don't talk about it because that's what YOU do with him. That's your thing."

Oh, hell no. "This has nothing to do with his trauma or yours and everything to do with him wanting to kiss you and possibly wanting a relationship with you. You need to talk to him about that. Not me."

And this, here, is the crux of it. It's been too damn long. There's a way to have that talk and he just- it's been years. Fucking. Years. "I don't remember how!"

"And he obviously doesn't know how, so he's not going to criticize!"

Wash takes a breath and tries to tone it down. They're past the bullshit, which means this requires a more delicate hand. "Look, it doesn't have to be perfect, and it's not going to be. You just have to try."

"It goes bad. It always goes bad and it is always my fault, I'm gonna fuck this up. I'm gonna fuck him up if I try to do- anything." He's terrible at this. How is it that Locus is somehow more on board with giving this a shot than him?

He doesn't know better.

"...for what it's worth, Delta agrees with you." Which is usually a sign that it's the right thing to do and he's just being too damn chickenshit.

This is a very uncomfortable look in a mirror for Wash, and he doesn't fucking like it for either of them. He can't fix himself, but he can at least try to help York.

"Look, he's probably interested. Either you tell him you're not, or you have a conversation and figure things out. The only way you can fail is to do nothing. I'm not kidding about trying."

Well, there is that. "Then you should probably listen to him. He's usually smarter than both of us."

"It'll break him if I fuck this up. He'll think it's his fault and it won't be-" He sighs, scrubbing a hand through his hair, hand combing all the way back to the nape of his neck where he presses down. What little grounding physical contact he can get with Delta? He'll take.

"...I'll think it over. He doesn't always get what I'm try'n to say when I'm try'n to say it."

"You're not going to break him. Locus survived Felix - he can survive you being a dumbass." Things that are important to remember sometimes. "Plus, if you're really worried about it, you can get couple's counseling." Because they have a licensed therapist on board who actually gives a shit about everyone's well-being. There are some days when that still boggles Wash.

"Whatever you need to do. Just make sure you actually talk to him."

"Yeah thanks for bringing that name up." He's not sulking. He's not. "Sam had issues before Felix, Felix compounded them, I am not gonna be the nail in that coffin. We can just-"

Just what?

Fuck.

"...I'm gonna need time to get my head around this. Probably gonna have to talk it over with the Doc on my own before I haul him in for that." A beat. "And just to drag up a closed topic- you could probably do the same with the Chief. Just. Say'n."

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