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The scene: York, amid a sea of neon shoulderpads looking harried and a little distraught. "Wash, man, I need some help here. Every time I ask for 'normal clothes' from my century I keep getting shit that hurts my eye."

The scene: Wash, flat on his back on his bed, with a very pleased kitten curled up on his chest. "Where the hell are you?"

"Some kinda apparel store- like the fifth one I've been in today. I got dinner with Azucar in- five and a half hours." Shit. "And not a damn thing to wear. I thought this only happened in sitcoms."

"...hang on."

The video shifts as Wash sets the omnicomm down on his bed, screen up. The feed then shows a close-up of an inquisitive kitten face as DC comes to inspect it; the audio includes Wash absolutely laughing his ass off. It's part schadenfreude and part hilarious irony, because this is a perfect storm of sitcom insanity and he did not expect York to be in the middle of it.

"Oh my God," Wash finally says, picking the Omnicomm back up and recentering the feed. "Okay. Where are you going and what is she wearing?" Does York's tie need to match her dress, basically.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up-" York scrubs his face with a hand, snorting a little at DC being cute and peering at the screen. "Hi DC, how are you? Is wash done laughing himself sick yet? Cuz I got a deadline here."

A self imposed one but he doesn't like being late. He remembers that NOT being a thing you did during this shit but that's about all he remembers. "Dinner, dancing, She challenged me to get her a dress and I got that knocked out first-"

He's actually kinda proud of what he got made and sends Wash a file- all deep pink and purple. "It glows too. I gotta stand up to, well. That."

Edited 2017-02-01 20:02 (UTC)

Tie definitely needs to match the dress, then. "Get your ass back up to Legion World. We're going to the Anthramites." It's the nuclear option, but York has painted himself into a corner and is clearly desperate.

"That's where I started today to get the dress made!" It didn't occur to him to get something made for himself. "Wear something comfortable, Locus said, it doesn't matter, he said."

Grumbling under his breath but, up to legion world he goes. "I need to stop having ideas while drinking tequila."

"And you didn't ask them to make something for you? Seriously?" There's shortsightedness and then there's York in a woman-induced panic.

Wash is already with the Anthramites when York makes it back to Legion World, and he waits for him, arms folded. "This is the guy," he says, and the Anthramites take that as their cue to swarm excitedly towards York, already talking about coordination and necktie styles and whether or not they should truly match or simply compliment. Wash just raises an eyebrow and lets the fashion flood happen. "Did you really call Locus for dating advice first?"

"No suits! Its semi-casual." Ok now ask he has to do is hope they understand. "No neon or shoulderpads either."

Cuz he has seen that and it is not him, not even a little. Letting Was rag on him is also new but- he'll let that happen. Part of being the younger guy and not an ass.

"Maaaaybe? Are you cool with each other now or still snarly and circling- its hard to keep track." Arms out, expression resigned, snark? On.

Wash eyes the dress - already made, on a dress form, shining in the ambient light of the room - and looks back at York, raising an eyebrow. "Semi-casual." His gaze shifts to one of the Anthramites. "Put him in a suit." Forget outdoing Azucar - York's going to need every advantage he can get just to keep up with her, and the suit will help.

"I have no idea." It's brutally honest, because if York's going to be stuck in the middle, he might as well know. "We're not trying to kill each other, and that's the best we've ever been."

"Fine, fairy god grumper." A suit. Ugh. They weren't easy or fun and usually meant he was trying too hard but- he's out of his depth and his usual grounding influence isn't allowed near him right now.

"I'd say 'try treating him like a person' but I think you're already doing that so..." he shrugs, prompting a swat from one of many hands working around him. "He responds well to, uh. Music? Likes it when I noodle around on the guitar."

"Okay, one, you asked me, and two, you're dating way out of your league and you know it. The suit will help." Showing up looking like you made an effort is better than the opposite.

Wash folds his arms at the mention of treating Locus like a person. He's been doing that; the trick is to get Locus to see himself as a person, and that's a hell of a lot harder. "That's not a conversation we should be having in public. And I don't have a guitar, I have a kitten." And if the anonmeme is to be believed... "Thanks, by the way."

"She is not out of my league. We're on the same level! I'm totally as attractive and intelligent and-" yeah, no, he can't keep that shit up, he's not thirty with both eyes and a wire free brain anymore. "I still can't believe she said yes. I can't believe I asked her out loud. I can't believe you're not giving me mountains of shit for this yet."

He's kind of more than earned the right. Though the tracks throw him a little.

"Uh- for what? Was I particularly badass lately cuz I don't remember anything."

Wash keeps his arms folded and just raises an eyebrow as York tries to list his qualifications. "You're dating Land Shark, York. She'll eat you alive if you don't keep up." Azucar was willing to play dirty in a no-stakes popcorn fight; she will absolutely walk all over York if he gives her the chance, and odds are he'll roll over and ask for more. He'd always had a thing for dangerous women; evidently that hadn't changed. "And I'll give you shit after the date." It gives him time to come up with shit to give, for one.

"For the kitten." C'mon, York, keep up.

"She'll eat me alive if I'm lucky- and I'm kinda lucky lately so who knows?" Maybe it'll be okay. Christ he jumped in without weighing the odds at all and while that's not unlike younger Agent Fucktruck York it is very unlike paranoid hermit York and he's just gonna keep winding himself up over this, isn't he?

He is.

"...For naming DC? Man that was a civil requirement. Kittens just can't go around unnamed." Playing dumb is easier than trying to lie. Slightly.

Wash just shrugs in response. "You know how to pick 'em." Dangerous women. It's a pattern.

He's far less amused about York playing dumb. "York, I know you got me the cat."

"I got good taste." Dangerous people- Wash doesn't know the half of it.

"...apparently a signed ab selfie is not enough to keep someone quiet." Not talking about it- moving to accommodate the hands and pins. "You can have one, you wanted one, it'll be good for you- DC has been good for you. So. It made sense."

"You have dangerous taste, and you know it." He spent years pursuing Carolina. They're both well aware of how York's tastes run.

"Well yeah, you need to keep paying them off if you want a secret kept." Said like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Still, York went out of his way to get him a kitten, and DC has helped. "Like I said: thanks."

"I have a thing for people that are either emotionally unavailable or lethal." Sometimes both. "Things i'm trying to, you know. do better on. This isn't a date date, Wash. It's just- friends going out."

That he's handling with all the same seriousness as a 'date date' because it's the only way he knows how to do.

"...You're welcome."

Wash raises both eyebrows. "Okay, one, dating Azucar is not 'doing better' in terms of not dating dangerous people, and two, if you got a dress made for her, it's a date."

"I am not trying to get with her I am trying to distract us both from some recent trauma with a very stupid and mundane outing, okay? Okay." God don't make him spell it out for you.

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